We all look at our kids at some point (and it is usually fairly often) and wish that they were better behaved. They can just take off on a path of destruction and leave your house like a war zone. This is why we name hurricane after people! The behaviour of your children is always an important issue for parents. We all want to be proud of them, and when they do things that embarrases us and make us cringe, what do we do?

How I approach this problem is not so much how I can change them, but rather how it is that I can change myself. How can I make myself a better role model to my kids so thet they have a sound example to follow? In essence, how can I improve my own Parenting Behavior, which will in turn make theirs better? It stems from the old adage “lead by example”.

I just need to point out at this stage that I am not some tree-hugging left wing greenie who names their kids after the stars, or fruit, or some throwback from the 60’s. I am just a guy who honestly wants to give his kids the best possible father that they can have. My kids love me now, and I plan on that happening all the way through their lives. I believe that my positive Parenting Behavior will give me that.

I know that at times I let my kids down because I let myself down, and this really disappoints me. I don’t like yelling at them, or giving them a spanking (a practice which I have pretty much well eliminated from my world I am happy to say). I want them to have the best experience that they can of my fatherhood. This does not mean that they should not have discipline or that they shouldn’t be punished for things that they do that are naughty, because they should – boundaries of acceptability should always be set.

Boundaries are one of the important things when talking about Parenting Behavior. When we continually change the goal posts, we are severely restricting our children from a stable set of rules that they feel that they must conform to. Imagine driving to work one day, and the speed limit was say 50 kms p/h, and the next day it was 75, and the day after it was 35… how confusing would that be, and how would you react? This is exactly what your children are feeling when you keep changing the goalposts on them. It is hard to create a touchstone if everything is moving. I really learnt this lesson from step-parenting teenage boys!

Another thing that I came to notice about my own Parenting Behaviour is for my tendancy of having rules without reasons. I have done a lot of work internally about changing this mentality that I had. If I am asked for something where I am needed to make a judgement call, and I am leaning towards the “no” side of the fence, I pause and ask myself … why not?  They ask it anyway, so it’s better to be pre-prepared! I need to have reasonable grounds for creating a rule, and “because I said so” just doesn’t cut it anymore, and neither does “because that’s how it was when I was a kid”. Rules without reasons serve no purpose other than being in the tool belt of someone on a power trip.

I ask myself consistently how I can improve my Parenting Behavior. As a parent I have made the commitment to be the best parent that I can be, and in order to do that I am working on my parenting skills as I should be. I read every bit of parenting advice that I can find. I feel that I need to be pro-active about my parenting skills because as we all know, they will be grown up and gone in the flash of an eye. And when they have, I know that I will have done all that I can to prepare them for their own journey into the big blue world.

Going along in life things were okay… not great, not bad. I had my partner Kathryn, my three step-sons – Zac, Dyllon and Kieran, all teenagers and all knowing what life is all about… sort of what I was like about 20 odd years ago, and of course the two apples of my eyes, my gorgeous son Campbell (who is now 4) and my demanding little princess Macayla (She’s 2 and is she stays on track she will be crowned queen of the world in another couple of years or so!)

Now I love my family, but I felt that there is more that I could both do for them and also with them. Then enter PD… Those two words that some absolutely cringe at… PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT. I hated those words and would cringe whenever I heard them. Bloody tree-hugging strageoids! But then I went to a weekend thing, and I got what it is that they were saying – that if I wasn’t happy with the results that I was seeing in my life, then I needed to change what it is that I was doing.

So I changed what I was doing.

Simple. Problem fixed. Wealth and happiness now falling from the sky like rain on a crappy winters day! Wouldn’t that be a nice ending to this story, and it sort of is how the story ends, it just wasn;t straight away. You see there were a few things that I had to learn first, and that I still need to learn even now. Let’s face it, is any of us really a finished project where there is nothing left to be done? Of course not. We are all a work in progress. The thing that I learnt is that I need to be MY work in progress, and not somebody elses.

Too often people let themselves and their decisions be ruled by other people, and the really scary thing is that most people don’t even know it. They let themselves be dictated to by their mothers, their fathers, their husbands, their wives, their bosses, their government, their church… everyone but them! What are their dreams? What is it that they want to do? What is it that YOU want to do?

Have you ever asked yourself that? No really… I’m not just talking about what you want to do for dinner or something trivial like that. What do you want? It is really not until you can begin to answer that question that you can really start taking control of your life. You need to really take some time to discover what you want. Make sure that when you ask yourself, do not set boundaries. If you had all the money you needed… If you had all the time that you needed… If you had all the knowledge that you needed… Don’t restrict yourself by self-imposed limitations.

Oooh, it seems that I am digressing from my story.So what is it that I want in my life? The cliche answer – absolute abundance. The real answer – to change the education system so that every child and every student receives the education that they deserve. No one drops through the cracks. Every one succeeds. Everyone gets an education, not only on how to read or write (which is the basic flas at the moment because too many kids can’t do one or the other, or even more scarily, both), but also on how to be successful in life. How to have good financial or business acumen. How to work co-operatively with others to achieve a common goal. Big world changing sort of stuff. Society stuffs all of its negativity and limiting beliefs down the throat of the young, so it is really no wonder that kids are turning out like they are, although most are a testament as to how good they actually are to have got to where they are.

So what was the change that I made? I decided that I was not going to work so I could concentrate on bringing about my dream. That’s right… I was going into retirement (of sorts). There was a slight problem here though. I had no money, actually I had less than no money and 5 kids and a wife to support. Who called me crazy? People who didn’t get what I was about (which was actually most of them). Some were jealous (how can you do this when I am stuck here), and some were really supportive – those who truly wanted me to have my successes. Who do you think I really call my friends?

If you are going to do something radical in your life you need to be clear why you are doing it. I am clear. I have my short term goals, my long term goals, and my “way after I’m dead” dreams. I have my schedule that I am working towards. I love spending time with my kids and playing a super active part in their raising and education. And I am happy. Nothing really gets me down, because I focus on the positive. I suppose that I am a testiment to the benefits of personal development.

So this blog… It’s about me, and the things that I do, the outlook that I have, and my life in general.

So please enjoy. Subscribe. Leave comments. What ever you want because I am always happy to meet new friends that I can help in some way.

Maktub my friends.

Scott